Women And Truth-Telling: Influence Expert, Karen Keller, Ph.D, Recommends 5 Steps To Women On Knowing When And What to Self-Disclose

Online, June 15, 2011 (Newswire.com) - Women are constantly thinking when is enough enough? How much on the continuum of truth telling can be helpful or cause trouble? What women say and how they behave creates a perception of them that may or may not be true. There are times when too much truth telling is unnecessary or harmful.

According to Keller, "There's a fine balance between truthfully representing your personality and making a good first impression. You need to choose your words carefully and give the right 'spin' - yes, spin. This is where you begin to shape the perception others will have of you."

She adds, "Two things cause perception. Your experiences and what people show you. For instance, you see someone walking down the street in a three-piece suit, and based on your experiences you think he is a successful, educated, intelligent person because that's what you learned to think. And you think that because of what he is showing you. Later you see the same person wearing the same suit but this time he walks into a porn shop. What do you think of him then? Yes, your perception was again altered based on your experiences and what he showed you."

Here are Dr. Keller's 5 steps to follow when considering when and what to self-disclose:

1. Step 1: Always ask yourself, "Is this information something I wouldn't mind seeing as the lead story on tonight's news?" How many times have you reheard a story about you that drained the color from your face? What you put out there on Facebook, twitter, email, etc. is permanently out there. Your first time conversations are no different. Think ahead and be smart.

2. Step 2: Know what is interesting about yourself that you can share. Be prepared. Make a list of your history, your stories, the details, the humorous and the serious. Be different. Everyone wants to be the 'go to' person but what is it specifically you are doing that will make you that person? What will stand out? Is "I have been married" more interesting than "I just divorced my 6th husband?" Which one gets your attention?

3. Step 3: Flatter them. It's not all about you. What unique question do you want them to answer? Practice the 80/20 rule - 80 percent about them and 20 percent about you. Hone in on the 'about you' part because you only get 20 percent to work with.

Also flatter yourself. Present yourself in a positive light. Be upbeat, and confident about various aspects of your work and life. Write out your introduction. Find what pieces work best at a first meeting. Keep in mind the setting. What works for getting a first date isn't always the best piece of information for meeting the new CEO.

4. Step 4: Sharpen your non-verbal self-disclosure. What you do with your hands, feet, smile, frowns, eyes, and head is critical to the impression they will take away from your conversation. Be sure that it all matches. Are your arms crossed? Do you avoid eye contact? Practice purposeful non-verbal language that will relay a powerful message of what you want them to know about you. Open arms and palms face up indicate a willingness to explore. Get a book on non-verbal cues and study.

5. Step 5: Leave them wanting more. Never give away the whole enchilada. Practice sending out 'teasers.' Become the Paul Harvey of you - "... and now you know the REST of the story." Give out information that makes people curious, wanting more, and genuinely needing to get the rest of the information because they find value in it.

Keller concludes, "Remember this rule: the more you say, the more you're required to say. When this happens is when you begin to move away from the important things 'they' need and you want them to hear. Keep in mind that your audience (boss, date, child, future spouse) is really interested in what's in it for them."

For more information, please visit http://karen-keller.com